I just took my first one about ten minutes ago. Any weird feelings I have in my stomach or head are obviously psychosomatic in nature, which is why it's hilarious that I actually feel lightheaded, dizzy and nauseous. Stupid, silly brain.
I lost so much on the Topa before, almost effortlessly. I've been considering taking these for months, but yesterday was the deciding factor. I was brave enough to purchase a bikini top and wear it to the pool. No bottom yet... Just shorts. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to wear one, but we'll see. I did, once upon a time. Anyway.
I took a picture. It's kind of crappy, but showing my belly at the pool was a momentous enough occasion to warrant a photo.
I could hardly stand to be in public that way, but I did it anyway. I need my belly and back to get as tan as the rest of me. Couldn't stand the internal, infernal comparisons in my head... The girls that are obviously 15, 16, etc. have never had kids, much less eating disorders that have, over a period of four years, essentially wrecked their metabolisms. WTF am I thinking, comparing my body to theirs? Ridiculous. And yet, I can't stop. Ah, I'm brilliant sometimes, you know?
I suppose I should get to work. Make that bank, stack 'dem papers and what have you.
Stay lovely, darlings.
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